By
Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
You
may have a great personal
ad... and a wonderful smiling
photo to go with your ad...
but things can still fall
apart if you are sending out
an awkward first message in
response to other people's
ads. What can you do to make
that first message work for
you?
DO:
Write
in advance. This lets you
think about what you want to
say about yourself and, more
importantly, check your
spelling and grammar. Have a
friend read and react to your
draft message.
Spellcheck.
Yes, this counts. It shows
that you are serious about
finding dates and willing to
pay attention to details. Some
people are just natural bad
spellers, but it can make you
look less smart or less
educated than you really are.
Most websites do not offer
spellchecking of profiles.
Personalize!
We recommend writing a general
template of a first message,
but you have to personalize it
for each person you contact.
Mention something from their
profile, ask a question that
refers to something they
wrote, or describe how you
would be a good match for
them. Mention what attracted
your attention to their ad. No
one wants to think they just
received a form letter.
Write
more than one line.
"Liked your profile...
want to chat?" This may
be the most commonly-sent
message on a dating website...
and the most ignored. You need
to say something else. Set
yourself apart and say
something interesting to get a
reply.
Use
humor. If someone with a great
personal ad is receiving lots
of replies... what will make
yours stand out? A funny line
might help. But if you have
noticed that people do not
respond well to your brand of
humor... save your jokes for
later.
Keep
track of whom you've
contacted. Don't write a
series of letters to someone
who has not responded...
you'll look desperate or like
a stalker.
DON'T:
Don't
demand personal info
immediately. Certainly not if
you have failed to offered any
details yourself. Go for a
balance between talking about
yourself and asking about
them.
Don't
open with your last failed
relationship. Sure, you have a
dating history. But talking
about "game players,
liars, and cheats" makes
you sound a little bitter.
Don't sound like you are
obsessed with past partners...
or that you think everyone
will hurt you.
Don't
open with sex. "Hi. You
look sexy." Unless the
person's ad specifically says
they only want a casual sexual
relationship, it can easily
sound vulgar and rude. Women,
in particular, typically
delete those messages. When
men get letters like that,
they often expect a link to a
porn site to follow. Even on a
website that focuses on
"adult activities,"
you need to do more than
describe your body or
fantasies.
Don't
write a novel. Sending out
your life story as a first
contact is going to look odd.
You need to write enough to
sound like you have a life,
not a book you'd like to
publish.
Don't
open with "I hate online
dating." It is amazing
how many people open a note
with a line that condemns
online dating sites and the
people that use them. You are
talking to someone that uses a
dating website! Do you really
want to immediately imply that
they are desperate, dumb, or
dangerous?
Don't
ask for a phone number,
address, or last name before
you have even gotten a reply
from someone. You may be
mistaken for a serial killer
or a telemarketer. Go slowly
in asking for that sort of
information; you don't want to
scare off prospective dates.
©
Dateable.com
LLC 2002
___________________
About the author: Tracy Brant
is a freelance writer and an
editor at Dateable.com. She
can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.
Dateable.com is an exciting
online community for singles,
couples and romance lovers.
Dateable.com has romantic
resources, advice, poetry,
greeting cards, and more.
Dateable.com also features
specialty matchmaking
services. Whether you are
looking for a soulmate or a
playmate, visit http://dateable.com
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