Write
a Better Online
Personal Ad
By
Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
If
you are going to invest time
or money in using a
matchmaking website, you
should really pay some
attention to writing a profile
that will get you some
responses. People will not be
interested in emailing you if
you do not do something to
make yourself stand out from
the masses of people using
personal ads.
I
administer several dating
websites. People frequently
write in saying, "I never
get any replies to my
ad." And when I go look
at the ad, I find that they
have not filled out the
profile, or added a photo. Who
can tell if they want to email
you if there is no
information? Not quite as bad,
but still ineffective, is a
profile that says, "Email
me for details" or
"looking for a nice
person." You can't bother
to write a paragraph to find
the love of your life? Or even
a fun date for the weekend?
Here
are some guidelines for
writing effective personal ad
blurbs:
INVESTMENT.
Decide that this is worth
spending some time on, or
don't bother. You wouldn't
submit a sloppy resume, would
you? This is about making a
good first impression, because
there will be no second chance
once someone clicks to the
next ad.
MARKETING.
You are marketing yourself...
trying to stand out in a
crowd. You are the
"product." and the
people you want to meet are
your customers. Think about
who you want to meet, and then
think about who THEY want to
meet! How can you tell them
that YOU are the person they
want to meet? Magazine ads,
for example, grab your
attention, make you laugh,
they make you think "wow,
what a great thing... I want
to buy it." They can be
short, but pack a punch. If
they are long, they tell a
good story. Marketers test
their different ad campaigns,
and you should, too. Try
placing different ads to see
what gets you a better result.
PREPARATION.
Before you log in anywhere, do
some thinking and writing.
Don't wait until you are faced
with a blinking cursor to
write your blurb. Give serious
thought to how you will
describe yourself and the
person you hope to find. Write
at least two paragraphs, one
about yourself, and one about
the person you seek. Ask
someone you trust to read
those paragraphs and comment
on how well they reflect who
you are and what you want.
Save that text to cut and
paste into dating website
forms. Have a digital photo or
two ready.
OPENING
LINES. Use your username...
don't be Bob3456... be
PaintBallPrincess or
SecretSuperHero or something
else that reflects your sense
of humor and yourself. If the
ad allows you a "subject
line" also use that
well... "Need woman in
Atlanta" doesn't cut it.
"Atlanta man on a
mission" sounds more
interesting. "Atlanta
Knight seeks his Queen"
tells a different story about
who you are seeking. Use your
username and subject line to
hook people into your ad. Use
humor, drama, a funky
metaphor. Then, like any good
ad, you want to show them you
are what they need, show them
why you are unique, and invite
them to take action... by
emailing you!
DETAILS.
Write in complete sentences.
Spelling and grammar DO count.
We have modern tools to help
with that. You want to look
like you find this task
important enough to spell out
the words. Unless you are 15
years old, writing "If u
r inrested n me, wrt 2
me" makes you LOOK 15
years old. ALL CAPS IS LIKE
SHOUTING... don't. It is
actually harder to read.
HONESTY.
If you are not honest with
yourself and others, you will
not find happiness in the
personals. Are you married?
You know, people CAN figure
that out and will resent the
lie more than the wedding
ring. Without making any value
judgements, putting down
"married" will not
necessarily stop you from
finding matches. If you are
just looking for a casual
date, don't imply that you are
looking for marriage just to
get more email... it wastes
everyone's time. If you are
looking for a long-term thing,
don't think you can
"convince" a casual
date to spend more time with
you. You are asking for
disappointment. Try completing
this sentence: "In a
year, I'd like to see us
doing...."
STRINGS.
Guys, I see many you making a
crucial mistake in your
profiles. You will find that
women are seldom looking for a
"no strings
relationship." There
simply is no such thing... if
it is a relationship, it has
strings of SOME sort. If you
don't want strings, you are
looking for an escort service.
Women of any description can
find casual physical
relationships without lifting
a finger to a keyboard. Don't
lie, but think about which
"strings" are okay
with you. "Seeking Torrid
Summer Romance" is fine
and honest. So is, "I am
not eager to move in or get
married. I want to have a
regular date for parties and
cookouts with my
friends." Ladies, this
counts for you, too. If your
personal ad sounds like you
might be offering paid sexual
services, you are going to get
some rude offers. You might
avoid phrases like,
"looking for a wealthy
man with good taste in
jewelry."
BEYOND
PHYSICAL. Have you ever really
dated someone just for their
eye color? OK, maybe you have
spectacular eyeballs. But ads
tend to reel off personal
stats... and then stop there,
as though there were nothing
but a body. Most personal
sites let you click things to
describe your eyes, hair, and
height... don't waste valuable
profile space on your hair.
Talk about who you are first,
and what you look like at the
end. Want to know the number
one thing surveyed women look
for in a guy? A sense of
humor.
AVOID
NEGATIVES. This is not the
place to list all the things
that drove you crazy about
your ex and how you won't put
up with that again. Don't list
what you don't want... discuss
what you DO want. Turn your
own lifestyle quirks into
positives, not obstacles.
Workaholic? Try, "My
career keeps me very busy, so
I need someone with a flexible
schedule for spontaneous
one-day adventures."
Frugal to a fault? Try "I
find it amusing to squeeze a
nickel 'til it screams... help
me research for my web column
"CheapDates for
CheapSkates." Worried
people will regard your
children as an obstacle?
"My family is very
important to me and I hope to
find someone that will enjoy
the attention of a warm family
circle."
POST
A PHOTO. Website statistics
show that an ad with a photo
is 80% more likely to get a
response. A photo that shows
you relaxed and having fun, no
matter what you look like, is
even better. Don't use a photo
that isn't current.. it isn't
worth looking so insecure, or
being rejected later. Don't
rush to ask for a photo... you
may look like a "pic
trader," someone who is
collecting photos rather than
looking for a real date. Don't
stress about your looks...
attraction is about more than
looks. Yes, we often are first
attracted to someone by looks,
when we meet in person. But on
the Internet, if you seem like
a jerk, you won't get the
chance to meet in person.
LIFE
STAGES. People often say that
"age" is not as
important as "life
stage." Where are you in
your life? Just starting out
in a new career? Settled into
life with kids? Empty-nesting?
Exploring new interests? These
are things that matter. Talk
about what is important in
your life. "I am
established in my career and
now turning my attention to
the great books I never had
time to read." "I
moved to this state for a job
after college, and I am
looking for dates with a lot
of outdoors-loving friends to
help me build a sporty new
social circle."
FAVORITE
THINGS. Listing ALL your
favorite things is dizzying..
Choose one good example and
talk about why you like it.
Choose something that gives
the reader an insight into
what you enjoy. You want
people to be able to spot
things you have in common, but
also feel that there is
something new and interesting
to learn about you. Interest
them in learning more with a
"teaser" about
something fascinating about
you. Ask a question for them
to answer in the reply email.
RULES.
Never... NEVER include your
last name, phone number or
address. Observe the rules of
the various websites... some
do not allow you to post web
addresses or email addresses.
Many prohibit crude language
or sexual references. Getting
your ad removed by breaking
rules is a waste of time.
So...
let your personality be shown
in a tasteful way, take the
time to do a good job, and
have a good photo. Those
things alone will put you far
ahead of the misspelled
anonymous pack. Best of luck!
©
Dateable.com LLC 2002
___________________
About the author: Tracy Brant
is a freelance writer and an
editor at Dateable.com. She
can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.
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