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Women and Men: Never The Twain
Shall Meet
By David Leonhardt
"Dear Happy Guy,
"I just don't understand
men. Last night I was sitting
at the
kitchen table, when my husband
wandered by with a glass in
his
hand.
"I asked him, 'Is that a
triple-coconut-cream-of-pickle-juice
spritzer with a dash of chili
powder you're drinking?' He
says,
'Sure. What else?' It looked
so yummy, that I just had to
have a
taste. 'Put it down here on
the table for me, please,' I
asked.
"Want to know what he did
next? He emptied his glass on
the
table. Right there in front of
me. It went flowing all over
me
and all over the chair and all
over the floor. Yeach! What a
mess. What on earth was he
thinking?"
Signed, Soaking Lady, 42
Bouncing Canyon Lane
I get strange letters all the
time. Everybody wants to be
happy,
and they all think The Happy
Guy can solve their problems.
Here's another letter I
received just today:
"Hey Happy Guy,
"Can you explain women to
me? You just can't please 'em.
"Take last night for
example. There I was minding
my own
business, sipping on a juicy
glass of
triple-coconut-cream-of-pickle-juice
spritzer with a dash of
chili powder, when my wife
asks me to pour it on the
table. I
mean, is that a crazy request
or what?
"But wait. It gets worse.
Even though it means
sacrificing the
triple-coconut-cream-of-pickle-juice
spritzer with a dash of
chili powder I love so much, I
pour it on the table for her.
So
what does she do? She blows
up. She shouts and screams and
yells
all sorts of four letter words
... each with at least ten
letters.
"Can you help me
understand women?."
Signed, Thirsty Man, 42
Bouncing Canyon Lane
Sa-ay. These two letters are
from the same address. Go
figure.
After a while, a man discovers
that he and his wife do not
even
speak the same language. Sure,
we both call it
"English", but we
each use different
dictionaries. Consider the
word "fine".
When a woman uses the word
"fine", a man knows
he has just lost
an argument. "Fine"
is a woman's way of saying,
"OK, you win the
argument, but you only win
because I let you, and I am
still
right, so take your duct tape
and put it somewhere useful
...
like across your mouth!"
To a man, "fine"
means something completely
different. It means
that something is fine. It is
good. It is as it should be.
Some
men, such as yours truly, use
"fine" as a response
when a woman
asks, "How do I look in
this new dress I bought?"
Men like that ought to just
hop in front of a moving train
to
save themselves a lifetime of
slow, painful torture. When a
man
says "fine" to a
woman, it won't be long before
that woman says
"fine" to him.
Better get out your duct tape.
So my answer to Soaking Lady
is this: "If you don't
like
triple-coconut-cream-of-pickle-juice
spritzer with a dash of
chili all over the table and
the chair and the floor, just
ask
your husband to wipe it up.
Anyone loving enough to pour
such an
obviously tasty treat on the
table at your request, will
just as
lovingly lap it up."
And my answer to Thirsty Man
is this: "No, I
can't."
Every relationship works best
when we use words the listener
will understand as we mean
them to be understood. For
instance,
if a man says "fine"
and a woman hears
"yuck!", just don't
use
the word "fine".
Or, do what I do. Keep plenty
of extra duct tape for a very
rainy day.
About the author:
The author is David Leonhardt,
The Happy Guy, author of Climb
Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9
habits of maximum happiness at
http://TheHappyGuy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
and
publisher of Your Daily Dose
of Happiness at
http://TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html
. Visit
his web site at http://TheHappyGuy.com
.
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