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Happily
Ever After: What Makes
Relationships Work
By Edel Jarboe
A popular conclusion to fairy
tales is the phrase "And
they
lived happily ever
after." But does happily
ever after really
exist? Let's get the stars out
of our eyes. If you are lucky
enough to have found someone
to love and who loves you
back,
you should know that this
thing called love is a lot of
work.
We all have a tendency to take
things for granted and to fall
back into old habits and love
is no exception. We have all
stumbled across the following
"secrets" to a
long-lasting
relationship at one time or
another, but it is important
to be
reminded of them just the
same. Are you using the
following
principles in your
relationship?
1. Having Mutual Trust And
Respect For Each Other
Be each other's best friend.
Be there for each other and
treat
each other with kindness,
consideration, and respect. Be
willing to apologize if you
have hurt one another in some
way.
Let each other know how
important you are to each
other
2. Making Sure You Share
Common Values
Are you playing on the same
team? Do you and your mate
want the
same things out of life? Are
you in agreement on how to go
about getting these things?
Talk to each other about your
hopes
and dreams. Share your worries
and fears. Work together to
overcome obstacles.
3. Practicing Give and Take
Avoid resentment and power
struggles in your relationship
by
being open and honest with
each other about your
respective
needs and wishes. Practice the
fine art of compromise.
4. Working Together as a Team
A successful relationship is
egalitarian- where no one
partner
is better than the other,
there are no control issues,
etc.
Rather, an equal partnership
is where you recognize each
other's strengths and
weaknesses and work together
as a team.
It is the acceptance of each
other for who you are, as you
are.
5. Being Playful And Having
Fun Together
Shared interests and hobbies
such as travel, gardening, or
hiking alleviate boredom and
is the glue that holds a
relationship together. Even
folding the laundry together
can be
fun - it's all in your
attitude.
6. Laughing Together Often
Laughter is a great coping
strategy when things get tough
because it relieves tension.
Your ability to laugh together
as
a couple allows you to bond
over shared experiences - both
good
and bad. It also reinforces
your enjoyment of each other.
7. Communicating Openly
If the sharing of household
chores or child-rearing is a
source
of resentment, for example,
sit down and work it out. Make
a
list of the chores and
responsibilities and negotiate
a fair
division of the things you
each like to do and the not so
great
chores between the two of you.
If you can afford it, consider
hiring people to help you.
8. Listening Until You Hear
Each Other
Avoid blanket accusations and
focus on communicating how
your
partner's behavior makes you
feel. Instead of saying
"You
always," say "I
feel." This ensures that
your message will be
heard and keeps the lines of
communication open. Your
mutual
goal should be to understand
each other.
9. Fighting Fair
Avoid needlessly hurting your
mate with put-downs and other
spur-of-the-moment zingers.
Treat your mate as your friend
first, your lover second. Just
because you are in a
relationship doesn't give you
the right to destroy another
person's self-esteem.
10. Keeping Romance Alive By
Openly Expressing Your Love
And
Affection
Tell your mate that you love
them. Give them a hug for
absolutely no reason. Kiss
them like you mean it - often.
Surprise each other with
little gifts, weekend
getaways, or
love notes in unexpected
places.
11. Making Time For The
Relationship
Spend at least 20 minutes
together a day just talking
with each
other. Make time for sex as
well. Not in the mood? Too
tired?
Putting the energy into this
aspect of your relationship
will
pay dividends in the other
aspects of your relationship.
Make
reaffirming your connection
with each other a priority in
your
lives. If you need more time
together, turn off the
television,
computer, or pager and let the
answering machine do its job.
12. All Of The Above
And they lived happily ever
after by being committed to
making
the relationship work. In the
absence of fairy godmothers or
any other magic, it is up to
you and your mate to use the
above
principles to create your own
fairy tale romance.
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About the Author: Edel Jarboe
is the founder of Self Help
for
Her.com (http://www.selfhelpforher.com),
an online self-help
magazine helping you create
your better life. She
also
publishes a free weekly
newsletter, which features
advice on
goal setting, stress
management, coping with
difficult people,
and overcoming obstacles:
Subscribe
(mailto:subscribe@selfhelpforher.com)
and receive a FREE stress
report.
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