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The Trouble With Love
Author:
Jim Henderson
After much analyses, I have
figured out the problem with
this
love thing. The problem is
that it takes two to make it
work.
Now the possibility that there
are two people on the same
planet
that could actually love each
other is not that remote. The
problem is getting those two
together. The current system
to
search, select, and acquire
this ethereal combination of
mutual
love leaves much to be
desired. The present system
appears to be
one of chance, occurring at
random, governed largely by
proximity and probability. The
finality of the process
doesn't
allow room for error. In the
business realm, it would not
be
considered peculiar to make
public the availability of a
position, set criteria, and
conduct interviews. This would
seem
to reduce it to crude
rudimentary elements in the
realm of
personal relationships,
seemingly to exclude the most
apparently
critical element, that of two
people who love each other.
While
the current system is
cumbersome, the alternative of
advertising
in the classified section
seems nonetheless commercial
and crass.
Now love does exist in the
unilateral realm, that is, one
party
loving another party
regardless of the whether or
not that love
is reciprocated. Romance
requires however that love
must be
mutual between both parties to
be legitimate. When one loves
another but the second party
doesn't share the other's
affection, it falls under the
category of infatuation rather
than love.
Let's examine the elements of
love. Certainly appearance
plays a
significant role. Both parties
must mutually find the other's
appearance tolerable if not
pleasing. Beyond the
perception of
the object of our affection's
appearance, other factors must
be
recognized. Regardless of how
pleasing their appearance may
be,
ultimately personality is one
attribute you can't ignore.
You
must not overlook the behavior
of your potential soul mate.
Beauty is merely the bait that
attracts us but it is our
behavior that hooks and
retains our affection.
Regardless of how
powerful the forces that
attract you, eventually that
bond of
appeal will dissolve and
disintegrate if the party of
the second
part behaves intolerably
toward the party of the first
part,
you. Don't overlook common
interests and especially
values that
you both embrace. Disparate
value systems will rend
asunder the
strongest of relationships.
Now to address the matter of
sex. Like love, it also
requires
mutual consent. It cannot
exist, one party independent
of the
other. It requires the
participation of both parties.
Only a benevolent Diety could
have conceived the concept of
sex
and awarded to his children
this pinnacle of physical
pleasure
that surpasses both
procreation and recreation!
Obviously our
Creator endowed us with more
than simple biological
functions.
He also instilled in us the
ability to appreciate the
aesthetically pleasing. We
live in a world rich in color,
variation, and beauty. We are
able to enjoy a plethora of
physical sensations including
sight, sound, and touch. We
are
endowed with a certain
innately instilled capacity
that allows
us to appreciate the concept
of the beautiful and the
pleasant.
We are by no accident designed
to be sensual creatures. While
there is merit in temperance
and self control, we are
undeniably
made to embrace and enjoy the
lovely. Who can explain the
beauty
of a sunset or the awe we feel
when we gaze into the heavens
at
night? Nature is replete with
sights and sounds, the music
of a
creation that soothes the
senses. We are enthralled by
the
singing of birds, lulled by
the sound of a restless ocean,
and
serenaded to sleep by a
symphony of a thousand
chirping
miniature musicians in the
orchestra of the night. Truly
God
richly giveth us all things to
enjoy!
With this in mind, should we
be surprised by the ecstasy of
sensual pleasure afforded the
two willing participants in a
legitimate relationship within
the confines of Hebrews 13:4.
For
those of you who may not have
a New Testament readily
available
and would be hard pressed to
get your hands on one in the
immediate future, I have
enclosed the preceding
reference for
your convenience. It reads,
“Marriage is honourable in
all, and
the bed undefiled; but
whoremongerers and adulterers
God will
judge.” Sex only becomes
evil when we take it out of
its proper
context and pervert it into a
vehicle of instant
gratification
at the expense of our partner.
Wielded without restraint or
in
disregard toward the obvious
consequences, it wounds and
alienates those whom it should
unite. The male and female
anatomies are mated components
that cannot function
independently of each other in
the matter of sexual
satisfaction. They fit
together like hand and glove,
each formed
to bring ecstasy and
fulfillment to the other. But
as perfect as
the male and female anatomies
are, as wonderful as the
sensual
pleasure they bring to each
other, I have found a flaw in
the
mechanism of love. It takes
two to make love. This
requires
mutual consent, willingness,
and participation from both
parties. When one element is
withheld, it cannot exist
apart
from the consent of the other.
Fulfillment merely collapses
like
a house of cards.
Which brings me to my next
point, the legitimate outlet
for
sexual fulfillment. Under the
strict confines of the rules
of
divinely sanctioned sexual
conduct, (again, Hebrews 13:4)
there
is only one legitimate outlet
for sex, that being between
the
properly espoused parties.
Anything outside of that falls
under
the category of impropriety,
to be specific, adultery and
fornication. In order to avoid
temptation, each party has an
obligation to see that the
other is not left out in the
cold,
prone, exposed, open and
vulnerable to attack by lust
because
that is the only recourse left
to the defrauded party. To
knowingly withhold sex from
the other is to defraud your
partner. It is rightfully
termed fraud as sex is a
legitimate
human need, compounded by the
fact that when it is unmet, it
needlessly exposes the other
to temptation and into direct
disobedience to the laws of
God. Fraud is all the more
fitting,
as it is each partner's
responsibility and obligation
to meet
the other's needs regardless
of whether or not they want to
satisfy their spouse's
rightful appetites. Although
the guilt of
excluding the sexual needs of
your partner is less flagrant
if
it is unintentional, the
consequences are none-the-less
the same
to them if you inconsiderately
assume that the other's needs
are
met or account that they are
inconsequential. Trivializing
your
partner's appetite is not
justified. To rationalize that
because
you don't feel the same
urgency or appetite to the
same degree
as your partner, that their
needs are excessive and can
merely
be rejected arbitrarily
without fair and sympathetic
consideration, is grossly
unfair.
At best, all the components
for a successful sexual
encounter
are fleeting and even
arbitrary, dependent on the
attitudes and
perceptions of both parties,
compounded by forces that
negate
its fulfillment, as stress,
and other complications . One
particular thief to the only
legitimate outlet for sex that
a
spouse is entitled to, is that
of incongruent and unequal sex
drives between the spouses.
One party views the others
desires
as excessive, even perverse
while the other perceives the
first
party as prudish and stingy.
Sex becomes a source of
contention
and conflict. It becomes a
wedge that separates a
relationship,
causing animosity and enmity.
Oftentimes sex becomes a
weapon in
a warfare between the spouses.
Withheld or even given
grudgingly, it can be awarded
in a derogatory manner.
What is the conclusion of the
matter? If your relationship
is a
match between partners of
equal and congruent sexual
appetite,
you are indeed fortunate. If
your relationship isn't, then
it
will require consideration and
understanding on both partners
to
resolve the conflict. Let sex
be as God intended, to bring
intimacy and unity between two
committed individuals joined
both
physically and emotionally.
Let sex unite instead of
divide.
About the author:
Jim Henderson is currently
employed in the field of
environmental regulatory
comopliance. He enjoys writing
as a
past time and has had several
article published in various
on-line publications.
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