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Strategies
For Dating
Many
singles pursue relationship
coaching to learn dating
strategies and receive the
guidance they need to be
successful. Here, I will share
my list of ten strategies for
successful dating.
You may find these strategies
old-fashioned or
counterintuitive. But they
work.
If you date in order to find a
long-term relationship, these
strategies will help you meet
the love of your life and
settle down into a long-term,
satisfying relationship.
If you are already in a
relationship, many of these
strategies can put a spark
back into your relationship.
Here are my ten strategies for
successful dating:
1. If you are a woman who
generally pursues men first,
stop and allow men to pursue
you. If you are a man who
waits for women to ask you
out, take the first step and
ask them out instead. A woman
pursuing a man sets up an
uncomfortable power dynamic
that is difficult to change
later.
2. Stay away from verbal
foreplay early on in the
relationship. Engage in
sexual-type talk only after
you know each other well, at
least a few months into the
relationship. These types of
conversations can become the
central focus of your
interactions, making it harder
to experience other parts of
your relationship.
3. Don't have a sexual
relationship until you are
committed to and love each
other. This may seem old
fashioned; however,
relationships are
partnerships. Although
sexuality is a part of a
relationship, it is not a good
foundation on which to build a
relationship. If you build
your relationship on sex, it
will most likely fall like a
house of cards.
4. Limit your time together in
the beginning. See or be on
the phone with each other in
moderation. How is a house
built? Brick by brick. How
have you developed
friendships? Over time. Does
an intimate relationship
deserve any less?
5. Spend more time courting in
person rather than by email or
phone. Electronic
communication has an aspect of
anonymity and safety. It
allows for a false sense of
closeness. If this is your
primary mode of communication,
you may feel awkward with each
other in person.
6. Be yourself at all times in
the dating process. Doing so
allows both of you to clearly
see if the relationship will
work. If you are compatible,
you will discover more things
to like about each other. If
you are not compatible, you
will be able to find out
sooner rather than later.
7. Be clear from the start
about how you want and don't
want to be treated. It is
better to know how your new
partner responds to your
boundaries and standards.
8. Be aware of who your new
partner is. At the same time,
don't automatically assume he
will disappoint you in the
same ways you have been
disappointed before. Give him
a chance to treat you well
rather than testing to see if
he will cause you pain.
9. Accept your new partner as
she is or don't engage in the
relationship. If her behavior
bothers you but doesn't bother
her, you can be sure that this
behavior will continue. Accept
how your new partner is now,
rather than hoping for change,
or get out.
10. Enjoy. Have fun. Connect.
Learn. Dating is wonderful.
It's a chance to meet new and
interesting people and do fun
activities. It's an
opportunity for growth. If you
do it gently, without
jeopardizing your emotional
well-being, it will add
sparkle to your life.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001.
This article was originally
published by Rinatta Paries in
the Relationship Coach
Newsletter, one of many
relationship resources found
at www.WhatItTakes.com. Other
highlights include
relationship advice, quizzes,
relationship coaching and
classes. Become a True Love
Magnet(TM)!
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