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The Soul Mate Debate
Author: Rinatta Paries
Are you looking or waiting for
your soul mate? Many singles
spend a lot of energy and time
waiting and searching for
their
soul mate. But are soul mates
found or created?
The notion of soul mates stems
from the concepts of
reincarnation and karma. Soul
mates are defined as two souls
reincarnating alongside each
other over and over again,
playing
different roles to each other,
such as lovers, adversaries,
parent and child, victim and
murderer, coworkers, etc. Some
will
argue soul mates were
separated at the beginning of
time, and so
in each lifetime they seek to
reunite in some way.
If you were to find your soul
mate, the theory is you would
be
able to instantly recognize
him or her. You would feel
connected, at home,
recognized, valued, loved
again, instantly.
The two of you will reconnect,
fall in love all over again
and
live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, this is not
quite how the soul mate thing
works.
Here are some sobering
thoughts about the notion of
soul mates:
* Each of us could have an
unlimited number of soul
mates. We
have many close relationships
in a lifetime, so who is to
say
any one or all of them could
be our soul mates?
* Intimate relationships with
soul mates are less likely to
work
out. That's because if someone
is truly your soul mate, you
have
been around the block with
each other too many times in
too many
different ways. Along with
intense passion for each
other, you
will also feel intense anger
and resentment.
* If you instantly recognize
or feel connected to someone,
does
that automatically mean he or
she is your soul mate? It
could be
that this person simply has
very similar childhood family
patterns or adult dating
patterns as you do, allowing
you to
feel instantly at home.
* If you immediately recognize
someone who was a lover in one
past life and an adversary in
another, how likely is an
intimate
relationship between the two
of you to work out?
* The idea that soul mates
will find and instantly
recognize
each other presumes past life
memories are at the surface
and
can be tapped into at any
time. Do you remember your
past lives,
especially if you do not
believe in past lives and
reincarnation?
Because of the points above, I
think those who say they are
looking or waiting for their
soul mate really mean they are
looking or waiting for someone
with whom love, relationship,
and
intimacy will happen
instantly. Unfortunately, as I
said, this
very rarely has a happy
ending. Relationships are not
about
instant gratification and
instantly knowing whether you
are
"meant to be" with
someone.
A healthier, more realistic,
and more successful notion is
one
where you and your partner
grow to become "soul
mates." In other
words, you grow to be in love
with one another, to know each
other intimately, to cherish
and support each other, to
share
closeness unequal to other
relationships. And this can
only
happen with time.
How do you grow into
"soul mates?" Here
are some ideas:
* When meeting potential
partners, do not look for an
instant
feeling of recognition or a
strong connection. Instead
look for
a subtle attraction and a
subtle connection.
* While dating, take time to
become good friends and get to
know
each other. Do not assume you
know the person you are dating
before you have been with him
or her for at least 6 months.
* Emphasize excellent
communication right from the
beginning.
Establish a standard of
communication both of you are
comfortable with, and hold
each other to that standard.
* Accept each other for who
you are. Neither of you will
be
exactly like the other, nor
will you do things in exactly
the
same ways.
* Accept and appreciate each
other's shortcomings even as
you
accept and appreciate each
other's good qualities. No one
is
perfect - not even your soul
mate.
About the author:
Having coined the phrase
"relationship
coach," Master Certified
Coach Rinatta Paries works
with singles to help them
attract
their ideal relationship, and
helps couples create more love
and
fulfillment in their existing
relationships. Visit her web
site
at www.WhatItTakes.com or
e-mail her at coach@WhatItTakes.com.
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