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Get
Smart! About Modern Romantic
Love - Part 2
By
Michelle Casto, M.Ed.
Get Smart! About Modern
Love---Part II
Romantic love has evolved over
the centuries. An
excellent book on the subject
is Diane Ackerman’s A
Natural History of Love.
I would recommend reading this
book to see for yourself how
ever-changing societal
influences such as gender
equality, level of education,
and element of choice have
effected the way people love
and have loved throughout our
human history.
One of the most recent and
most influential eras of our
modern times was the 1960’s.
The “free-love” philosophy
started during the sexual
revolution has changed
romantic love dramatically.
Let’s consider some of the
other factors that shape the
way we live and love today.
21st
Influences on Romantic Love
§ Confusion
of roles--- men and women have
a hard time knowing what to
say or
how to act, especially in
relation to romance.
§ Lack of
education about love---we
often don’t learn proper
ways of loving
and relating from our
parent’s or from our
partners—so where can we
“get
smart” about love?
§ More
personal opportunity—with
more access to education and
careers, we
place different value on
relationships, often placing
love lower on the list
of priorities.
§ Less
traditions---we are free to
live our lives as we want, not
as how
tradition has dictated
it---which again creates the
responsibility of choice.
§ More
technology and
information---it is easy to
get disconnected from people
when we spend much of our time
interacting with machines and
computers.
§ Less
security---some feel there is
not a lot to depend on these
days, as
there is very little stability
in either the family or career
worlds.
§ More
diversity---as we continue to
become a multi-cultural
society, our
potential mates and marriages
will reflect the social
make-up of our nation.
§ Changing
political, economic, and
social climate---as our
external values
and agendas change, so will
our internal ones, sometimes
for better, sometimes
for worse.
§ Lack of
commitment to family---rampant
divorce and poor child-rearing
practices, if not effectively
dealt with, will continue to
wreak havoc on our
family systems.
§ Increased
awareness of our
interconnectedness---a sense
of meaning and the
development of spirituality
will continue to evolve and
reveal itself.
Characteristics of Modern
Romantic Love
· Element of choice
· Can become more complicated
due to choice
· Use of free will
· Ever-changing to keep up
with the ever-evolving world
around us
· Acknowledges alternative
lifestyles and lovestyles
· Is more realistic and
attainable
· Emphasizes the day-to-day
commitment
· Accountability to each
other and to the relationship
· Easier to enter into and
exit from
· More time focused on
“Self-Promotion” prior to
beginning a long-term
relationship
· Strives for equality
between the partners
· Looks to the future
· Individually defined and
experienced by each couple
· Inclusive rather than
exclusive to all types of
people and partnerships
· Delays marriage and
children
· Uses reflective thinking
when making decisions
Modern love is much more open
and freer in many ways, not
only where gender
roles are concerned, but also
with sexuality and family
issues. The American
dream of getting married,
having 2.5 children, and
living in a four-bedroom
house with a two-car garage is
diminishing, along with many
other societal
expectations for what people
should do as adults. This kind
of life is not the
reality for everyone today. In
most modern marriages, both
husband and wife
work, which can make it
difficult to raise children.
In addition, there are
millions of people who simply
choose alternative lifestyles
that may or may
not include traditional
factors.
Divorce has had a major impact
on the way we view love.
Marital ‘contracts’
are easier than ever to break.
All the more reason for people
to make better
decisions. Because modern love
emphasizes the elements of
choice and conscious
decision-making, we no longer
have to get or stay married
just because society
or our families say that we
"should."
This
article was adapted from the
book, Get Smart! About Modern
Romantic
Relationships: Your
Personal Guide to Right and
Real Love.
About the author:
Michelle L. Casto, M.Ed. is a
Whole Life Coach, Speaker, and
Author of the Get Smart!
LearningBook Series: Get
Smart! About
Modern Romantic Relationships,
Get Smart! About Modern Career
Development, and Get Smart!
About Modern Stress
Management. Her
coaching practice is called
Brightlight Coaching because
she helps people come up with
bright ideas for their life
and empowers them to freely shine
their bright light to the
world.
www.getsmartseries.com
and
www.brightlightcoach.com
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