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Get
Smart! About Modern Romantic
Love - Part 1
By
Michelle Casto, M.Ed.
Let me stress this point very
clearly. There are no set
“rules” for love in the
21st century. Love is not a
game which requires you to
abide by rules. When you are
dealing with human emotions,
you are dealing with deep,
heartfelt, unpredictable
feelings. But one thing that
has changed the way the game
is played is diversity.
Acceptance of diversity is
central to our new ways of
living and loving, and there
are as many different types of
romantic relationships as
there are people on this
earth. There are those who
choose not to marry,
interracial couples, families
with children from other
marriages, and a whole host of
“alternative”
combinations. Modern
romantic
love is individually defined
by the couple, and the choices
that they make are based on
their personal life
experiences, beliefs, and
needs. The wonderful thing
about modern love is that we
are free to choose the type of
person that
we want to love.
The British sociologist
Anthony Giddens in his 1993
book, The Transformation of
Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and
Eroticism in Modern Societies,
describes our modern society
as a “risk society” with
three important trends
affecting it: globalization,
de-traditionalization, and
social reflexivity.
Globalization is how the
boundaries of our world are
becoming less and less
apparent, which makes for a
more diverse and multicultural
population. Traditions in our
society are also becoming
de-traditionalized, in that
people no longer do things
because they have “always
been done that way,” which
gives people more freedom of
choice to live their lives as
they want. Social reflexivity
allows people to write their
own biographies (or life
scripts) and enables them to
live with greater uncertainty.
Thus, people will seek out
happiness through
their uniquely designed
personal path. Giddens also
describes how human emotional
experience is being radically
transformed as we move from a
pre-modern to a late modern
society. He says that humans
are “knowledgeable actors”
in that we have the capacity
to reflect on and act in our
life.
Because people are beginning
to actively think about what
they do, and as more people
choose alternative styles of
love, the traditions that
surround love will soon begin
to fall away. Our society will
move to a more
de-traditionalized world that
emphasizes personal choice.
When you stop to think about
how outdated the romantic love
concept actually is, you will
begin
to realize the special power
you have. Remember that we no
longer live in the Middle Ages
where women and men had
unequal roles in life, were
treated differently, and had
different economic and social
status.
Today, women have a far
greater degree of equality.
Because of this, romantic
roles and expectations have
changed. It is hard to believe
that our entire world has
evolved into a modern society,
with the exception of
“romantic
love.” We have not let the
world of love evolve and adapt
to meet the needs of society.
However, as people of the 21st
century evolve to fulfill
their Higher Selves, our
consciousness will be raised.
And as we become more aware,
we will realize the power that
we have to create our destiny.
The rapid advancement of
technology and the
“information age” have
made us more progressive and
“open” than ever before.
As a result of this expansion,
we will have different needs,
unique personal and
professional opportunities,
and much more spiritual
reasons for choosing our true
life mate.
Thus, our western perception
of love needs to change if we
are going to make smart
decisions. One thing about
romantic love that needs to be
re-defined is that love only
occurs between a man and a
woman. Or that romantic love
is
supposed to make you feel
ecstatic and silly. Or that
love will last forever. None
of these are necessarily true
in today’s world. Homosexual
love is part of mainstream
culture and cannot be denied.
Real love does not make you
say
and do stupid things.
Of the three, having your love
last forever is the most
attainable, but people of the
21st century realize that it
will only last if you are with
the right person and if both
partners continuously work on
making the relationship happy
and healthy. Even still, it is
hard for people today to think
of “forever,” because it
is very deterministic and many
people tend to live happily in
the moment. Many couples
choose to take the
relationship one day at a
time, and commit to love the
person on a daily basis. This
provides a sense of freedom
and a sense of “realness.”
By having this kind of open,
trusting, and loving romance,
you are empowering the
relationship, giving it the
necessary attention and room
to grow that it needs. If you
stop to think about it, this
is a more healthy way to love.
Certainly people hope that
their relationship will last,
but they also realize that
hope must be combined with a
conscious effort to make the
dream of “forever love” a
reality.
***this
article is adaptaed from Get
Smart! About Modern Romantic
Relationships (available at
www.amazon.com or your
favorite bookstore.)
About the author:
Michelle L. Casto, M.Ed. is a
Whole Life Coach, Speaker, and
Author of the Get Smart!
LearningBook Series: Get
Smart! About
Modern Romantic Relationships,
Get Smart! About Modern Career
Development, and Get Smart!
About Modern Stress
Management. Her
coaching practice is called
Brightlight Coaching because
she helps people come up with
bright ideas for their life
and empowers them to freely shine
their bright light to the
world.
www.getsmartseries.com
and
www.brightlightcoach.com
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