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Breaking Your Relationship
Pattern, Part 2
Author: Rinatta Paries
The first step toward being
able to attract and create
your
ideal relationship is to clear
the way for it by eliminating
baggage from your past. This
baggage refers to any
resentments,
hurts, or fears you have
toward anyone who either was a
role
model or who participated
directly in a relationship
with you.
Lots of people carry such
baggage for a long time, some
even for
a lifetime. The sooner you can
truly let go of this baggage,
the
less likely you are to
recreate bad situations in
current and
future relationships.
Dropping this baggage is what
I call "getting
complete."
How do you get complete?
Completion is not a sense or
an emotion
or even a state of being, but
a process. This means there
are
steps and practical actions
that will get you to
completion.
What stands between you and
having a great relationship is
acting on these steps.
At the most basic level,
completion is an exercise in
communication. Imagine you
could finally say everything
you
needed to say to everyone you
needed to say it to, no holds
barred. Wouldn't that give you
a great sense of relief and
freedom? In essence, getting
complete is getting to
communicate
everything to everyone,
without spending your life
looking for
everyone from your past or
having to deal with
less-than-receptive people.
Once you are complete with a
situation, the next time you
face a
similar situation you will be
free to choose your actions
rather
than being run by fear, pain,
anger, etc. You may flash back
to
the old situation, but you
will not react based on it.
You will
no longer have anything but a
minute negative emotional
response
when looking back on hurtful
situations. For the majority
of the
time, you will feel genuine
forgiveness toward others and
yourself.
The first thing you need to do
to get complete is to feel all
of
your feelings, no matter how
unpleasant they may be. How do
you
feel about your past
relationships? Have you swept
your feelings
under the rug? Are you still
secretly pining for someone?
What
are you afraid of in regards
to relationships? Who are you
still
angry with?
In order to allow yourself to
feel, you have to know that
feelings, unless they are of
the clinical depression or the
criminal rage kind, will not
kill or hurt you. Most people
have
either not had the permission
or never slowed down enough to
feel their feelings. You must
give yourself both the time
and
the permission if any
completion is to take place.
As long as
you don't let yourself feel,
you will recreate exactly what
you
had in the past. If you want
something different -- a
fulfilling
relationship -- you can't
afford to recreate the past.
Right now, check in with your
feelings and make a list of
all
the people and situations you
need to complete. We will come
back to this list.
The second thing you need to
do to get complete is to take
action. Look for a list of ten
action steps in next week's
newsletter.
About the author:
Having coined the phrase
"relationship
coach," Master Certified
Coach Rinatta Paries works
with singles to help them
attract
their ideal relationship, and
helps couples create more love
and
fulfillment in their existing
relationships. Visit her web
site
at www.WhatItTakes.com or
e-mail her at coach@WhatItTakes.com.
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