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Breaking Your Relationship
Pattern, Part 1
Author: Rinatta Paries
When you were little, you
looked up to your parents. You
imitated their mannerisms,
words, and actions as you
learned about life by watching them.
This applies to relationships
as
well - you leaned about
relationships by watching
them.
Not all you learned about
relationships came from your
parents; your learning has continued
throughout your life. But what
you saw your parents do in
relationships, how you
interpreted what you saw, and how you felt
about it, is the foundation of
your adult relationships.
That's not to say that your
parents were wrong or bad
parents, or even that they had a bad
relationship. The only thing
that can be said is if intimate
relationships are problematic
for you, the source is inevitably
your foundational learning.
If a great relationship, a
great partner, is what you are
after, you must see, understand, and
deconstruct your foundational learning about relationships.
To take apart a foundation of
something is a delicate thing.
Imagine trying to remove or change the foundation of a
house while leaving the rest
of the house standing intact. Not an
easy task. But in order to
have a
great relationship, you need
to reconstruct your
foundational learning while leaving you
intact.
To begin, you must get
complete with your parents. If
you still have negative feelings about
what they did to you or each
other, you will create situations in
your intimate relationships
where you will confront these same
negative feelings. To see an illustration of this in you
own life, take the
PatternTrackerTM
Quiz at http://www.whatittakes.com/Quiz2/patterntracker.html.
To be complete with your
parents means to be both free
of negative feelings and to feel
compassion toward them. Can
you
say both are true for you?
If you can, congratulations.
You are a member of a very
small minority. If you are not free
of negative feeling toward
your parents or/and if you do not
feel compassion for them, you
have
some completion work to do.
That is if you want a
long-term, healthy, thriving
relationship.
The question is, how do you
get complete?
The first thing to know about
completion is that it is not
just a feeling that will one day
appear. There are steps that
can be taken to generate a feeling of
completion. What stands
between
you and having a great
relationship is taking these
steps. Watch for these steps in my
newsletter over the next few
weeks.
About the author:
Having coined the phrase
"relationship
coach," Master Certified
Coach Rinatta Paries works
with singles to help them
attract
their ideal relationship, and
helps couples create more love
and
fulfillment in their existing
relationships. Visit her web
site
at www.WhatItTakes.com or
e-mail her at coach@WhatItTakes.com.
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