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Relationship-Making
Author: Rinatta Paries
Do you know how to establish a
new relationship to guarantee that it will meet all of your
and your partner's
relationship needs?
Most people don't know how to
do this. As a result, most relationships go through a
predictable cycle:
=> Honeymoon: 1 week to 3
months => Struggle: Up to 3
years or
more => Negotiation and
peace or breakup
To avoid this cycle and
establish a nourishing
relationship for both of you, you and your
partner need to have a deep,
extended
conversation. It may span many
discussions, perhaps over
weeks or even a month. The right
time to initiate this
conversation is
when it's clear to both of you
there is mutual interest and
both of you are ready to go
further. However, it is never
too late to
have this conversation, even
if you have been together for
years.
Cover the following topics in
this conversation:
* What you expect from each
other, or from a
"relationship partner," on the
emotional, mental and everyday
levels.
* What actions, words and
feelings each of you needs
from the other, or from a
"relationship
partner," in order for
both of
you to thrive.
* What you and your partner
refuse to tolerate in a
relationship and from a "relationship
partner."
While having this
conversation, it is important
that you both listen to each other intently,
frequently paraphrasing what
the other person is saying.
You want to make sure there is
mutual understanding. You both
will want to reflect on what
is being said by sharing your
thoughts and feelings.
However, under no
circumstances do you want to react to each other or
make each other wrong for what
is
being said. Remember that each
of you has a right to your own
view of what is needed and
desired in a relationship.
If in the end you both decide
you have enough in common to pursue the relationship
further, you will need to
negotiate how
the relationship is actually
conducted. You will need to
agree, disagree or negotiate to
uphold the verbalized
parameters in
your relationship.
I know this probably sounds
very unromantic, almost
artificial. But believe me, this is how
the best relationships are
created.
The two of you are much better
off entering a relationship
with your eyes open, knowing what
is expected of you, what you
can expect in return, what you can
count on from your
relationship.
This extended conversation
allows for the absence of
power struggle. It fosters harmony
and ease of being together. It
will give the two of you the rare
opportunity to establish deep intimacy.
About the author:
With nearly a decade of
relationship coaching
experience, Master
Certified Coach Rinatta Paries
works with singles to help
them
attract their ideal
relationship, and helps
couples create more
love and fulfillment in their
existing relationships. Visit
her web site at
www.WhatItTakes.com or e-mail
her at coach@WhatItTakes.com.
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