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HOW IS MY RELATIONSHIP
GROWING?
Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
When you choose your partner
and commence a full-time relationship, you look forward
to a future of love, support, encouragement, communication
and intimacy. Right? After
all, you are in love and you're both on
your best behaviour--so how
could there be any problems?
Learning how to establish and
maintain a loving, supportive relationship is much like
creating a beautiful garden.
It takes information, planning,
thought, skill, time, and most
of all, attention. Like many
gardeners, you learn your
skills and styles from your parents, close
friends and relatives. You
watch them from the time you are little.
They teach you both your roles
in a relationship, and how to
play them, through their
example.
This happens in every family
and much of the teaching is unintentional and unconscious.
Many of you did not like what
you saw and, yet, in your poorest
moments, you may behave just
that way. In angry, tense times,
you revert to the ways you
learned in those early days! No wonder
your relationships provide you
with challenges that cause you
to forget the
"honeymoon" period sometimes!
The good news is that you can
learn how to have a full,
rich, loving relationship that
allows each partner to express
his/her thoughts, feelings, wants,
needs and vulnerabilities AND
FEEL COMPLETELY SAFE!! You can
learn to be assertive (not
aggressive) and to collaborate with your
partners. You can learn to
listen
with your minds and hearts.
You can learn to fight fair
and resolve conflicts equitably
and sanely. You can learn to
value and acknowledge both yourself
and your partner. You can
learn to speak from your hearts and be
safe. You can learn to ask for
what you need and want. You
can learn to love more fully.
You can learn to DEEPEN your love.
It may take some unlearning, releasing habits, fears and
beliefs that are blocks to experiencing and expressing
love but YOU’RE WORTH IT!
Remember, too, that you are
teaching your children how to
have a relationship by the way you
are conducting yours. What
would you like them to learn? What are
you showing them every day?
Healthy relationships allow
you to fully express yourself
and fully expand your capacity to
love. Remember, most of your relationship skills are
caught, not taught. So, if
your
relationship is not what you
know it could be, there IS a remedy. You can learn new
ways--if you are willing and
you really want to. What is it
worth to you?
If love, acceptance, approval,
respect, safety, trust,
honesty, integrity, and wholeness are
what you want in your life,
begin by giving these things to
yourself now so that you will
have those gifts to bring to your
relationships. You cannot give
a
gift you do not have, can you?
About the author:
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,
Motivational Keynote Speaker,
Corporate
TeamBuilder and Executive
Coach from San Diego, CA, is
the
creator of The Consociate
Way™: Promoting Performance
& Peace in
Your Workplace. Call Rhoberta
at 1.877.728.6464 or email at
RS@SpeakingAboutWork.com.
Visit:
http://www.SpeakingAboutWork.com
for further information and
free ezines.
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