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Romance
and Pitter Patter: A
Successful Mix
by Nancy Fagan, M.S.
No two people showed their
love more than Jim and Della
in the story of The Gift of
the Magi by O. Henry. If you
don't remember the story, it
was about a poor couple at
Christmas. The only two
possessions of value in their
home were Della's long,
beautiful hair and Jim's watch
that had once been his
grandfather's. As the story
goes, Della sells her hair to
buy Jim a chain for his watch,
and Jim sells his watch to buy
Della combs for her hair. This
story is about giving for the
sake of love, even if you have
to sacrifice the one thing you
treasure the most.
The
Gift of the Magi illustrates
what this article is about:
romantic gestures. A romantic
gesture is a physical way to
show your partner you care.
The important aspect of the
gesture isn't its grandness or
cost. The intent behind the
gesture is the true present.
Romance boils down to making
the extra effort, even when
you think you don't have the
time or the energy to show
your love. This is especially
true when children are added
to your love life.
To
make it a successful
transition, all you need to do
is learn a few final points
about how to keep your romance
alive by paying attention to
the little things. Everyday
gestures of love show your
partner how much you
appreciate him or her-as a
partner, in addition to being
a parent-and demonstrate that
the relationship is a top
priority. When you learn how
to protect your investment in
your relationship, you and
your partner will bask in the
rewards of a romantic life
together.
Make
Your Partner a Part of Your
Life
One
day over lunch, Bridget told
her friend that she felt as
though she and her husband of
12 years were just strangers
living together under the same
roof. They got along like two
roommates, or co-parents,
without any problems, but
something was missing. Bridget
reminisced about how close she
and her husband had once been
and had no idea when things
changed. She missed the
closeness and had no idea how
to get it back. Her friend
sympathized with her because
she felt the same way about
her husband, too.
These
two women share a very common
problem in long-term
relationships. Fortunately,
this problem is easily fixed:
Just remember to make your
partner a part of your life.
When
a relationship passes the
honeymoon stage and into the
comfortable stage, people
often stop sharing things with
their partners. This tendency
is a normal process of growing
closer. People just get busy
in their normal routine and
don't take the time to share
like they did early in their
relationship. The remedy is to
devote a certain time every
day to share the highs, lows,
passions, frustrations,
memories, hopes, and
everything else you go through
every day. Keeping the lines
of communication open will
keep the romance burning
bright in your relationship,
and that's the key to feeling
close to your partner.
Talk
Time
Knowing
someone takes a lifetime, so
you need to keep the lines of
intimate conversation going.
These important conversations
will prevent the two of you
from ever feeling like
strangers living together.
Encourage
these conversations by
reserving nightly time
together before you fall
asleep to have talk time. You
don't have to verbally arrange
a time to talk-it's better to
keep it casual by creating a
habit of talking each night.
Talk time isn't a time for
serious discussions or
conversation about the
children; it's more a time for
relaxed, fun conversation to
get to know each other better.
The following are some good
questions for you to ask your
partner at talk time:
- Tell
me about your favorite pet
when you were a child.
- Who
has been your best friend
the longest?
- What's
a holiday tradition that
you like/dislike?
- When
you are old, what will be
the highlight of your
life?
- If
you could be the creator
of any invention
throughout time, what
would it be?
- Tell
me about your first day in
high school.
- What
are your favorite smells
of each season?
Keeping
Life Balanced
In
most couples today, both
people have careers.
Dual-career couples often
experience an increase in
relationship stress and a
decrease in the amount of time
they have for each other. As
long as the relationship is
well-organized, and nothing
unexpected comes up, work and
relationships run smoothly.
However, life usually doesn't
work that way.
Couples
must keep their lives in
balance. If they don't, their
relationships will suffer. You
won't fall out of love just
because you're a workaholic.
But continually putting your
other responsibilities ahead
of your relationship means
that you and your partner will
pay in terms of emotional
neglect for each other's
needs. Get a sitter if you
need some time alone. Take a
sick day to put your
relationship back in good
health. Do what's necessary to
balance the needs of your life
with the needs of your
relationship.
Making
Your Dreams Come True
Too
often obligations in life keep
you from maintaining the
closeness you originally
sought in your relationship.
You can combat this by
focusing on sharing your life
with your partner.
Real
romance isn't about flowers
and candy, it's about daily
expressions of love. It's
about your commitment to your
partner and the actions that
prove your commitment.
Expressing love is not about
the big things you do for your
mate, but the small things.
These little gestures make
your partner feel appreciated,
cared for, and special. For
those times when you don't
feel up to giving, just
remember that it's hard to
have a vibrant, growing
relationship with someone when
you are more deeply committed
to something else.
Even
if you aren't comfortable
expressing your love, you
still need to do it. Be
realistic; it's all right if
you start out slow. The point
is to start. In a great
country song called "Me
Too," a husband struggles
to tell his wife he loves her,
but he can only manage to say,
"Me too." Of course,
she urges him to say, "I
love you," but he can't.
To reassure her, he talks
about all the things he does
to say "I love you,"
but she misses all of them.
Let
this song be a reminder that
sometimes your partner may be
trying his best to show you he
loves you. Sadly, some people
find it difficult to express
their love verbally. But this
difficulty does not mean they
do not show their love in
other ways. You just have to
learn the ways your partner
shows you he cares. Just think
of how good it will make your
partner feel to know you see
how he expresses his love for
you. Every effort either of
you make to be romantic and to
show love counts.
Make
your relationship a top
priority in your life by
keeping your full attention on
it. Relationships don't stay
strong and happy because of
mere proximity. Instead, your
relationship is happy because
you care enough to make it
work.
Nancy
Fagan, M.S., author of “The
Complete Idiot’s Guide to
Romance” and
“Desirable Men: How to Find
Them.” To read more, visit www.expertdatingadvice.com/index.html.
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