I
suppose I could have
titled this article
"Why Do Women Show
Absolutely No Romantic
Interest In A Nice Guy
(Like Me) Even
Though They All Claim To
Want To Meet A Nice Guy
(Like Me)?"
Whew! Well, maybe not.
It sure is tempting
though -- because
in my unexpected career
as the internet's new
"Dear Mr.
Abby",
I've gotten some basic
form of that question
many times over in
the past few months, and
I'm getting sick of it.
So in the interest
of suppressing my e-mail
a little bit, let me
show you my theory
of why it is that nice
guys are scorned by
women everywhere,
and how to get around
this social handicap
without having to take
night courses in
"How to be a
Jerk" at your local
community
college (although I hear
they ARE a great place
to meet sexy
young women... ;-)
I'm sure you know the
infuriating mantra that
you've heard time
and again from women
--either in person or on
all these stupid
afternoon talk shows:
"...But Oprah,
there's no one to date
out
there, all the guys are
all such jerks and
losers. I just want to
meet a nice guy..."
Oh how they love to
whine.
Well if you consider
yourself to be the
"nice guy"
these women
swear they're looking
for, but you strike-out
with all but the very
lowest end of the female
food chain anyway, then
you know what
royal bull**** this
declaration really is.
Nonetheless -- despite
the fact that most of
the feral women (18-35)
actually date &
screw the drunken
lowlifes and pricks they
claim to hate -- they
seem determined to drill
it into our heads that
this happens
ONLY because the right
"nice guy"
hasn't come-a-stumbln'
into
their life yet.
Rrrrr-ight.
Ok, here's what's REALLY
going on. As usual,
women are
talking in code. (They
are famous for this).
When women imagine
"nice guys" in
their minds, what
they're
really dreaming about is
a guy who makes them
feel SAFE... but
in a very *special* sort
of way that preserves
his male sexual
attractiveness.
Actually, this is not
very mysterious when you
think about it from the
*female* perspective. To
a woman, a
safe guy means ONLY that
you're physically
harmless -- nothing
more. In terms of what
you could do to her
emotions, well...
that's a different
story.
This blend of hot n'
cold, exciting n'
boring, safe n'
dangerous is
what she is REALLY
searching for -- this is
what she *lives* for.
It's what she thinks of
as having 'chemistry'
with a guy.
The problem with being
overtly nice or
lap-doggishly friendly
and
accommodating with women
is that it communicates
the worse
kind of SUBLIMINAL
message to them. (P.S.
Everything
IMPORTANT that goes on
between men and women in
the early
stages of all
romantic-sexual
encounters is always
communicated
NON-verbally. Words may
be the power tools of
seduction -- but it's
what you DON'T actually
say with words that
will make or break
you!). Anyway, this
lousy subliminal
messaging is the key to
why nice guys rarely get
laid.
Here's why:
'Nice-guy' behavior is
NOT something that women
see you as
"switching on"
in their presence like
some well-meaning but
fumbled attempt to
impress them. Instead,
they believe that
you've been TRAINED
(yes, like a f***ing
dog) by other, *more
powerful* men in your
world to act this way!
In other words, 'nice
guy' is how subservient
men have learned
to act in the presence
of stronger men in order
to protect
themselves from harm
("I am no threat to
your status as the
more dominant male...
please don't hurt me...
let me be your
harmless, lovable
side-kick..."). To
women, then,
"niceness" is
a
screaming red flashing
signal of LOW MALE
STATUS, and
therefore...
...it is an ENORMOUS
TURN OFF to them!
This is why they can't
develop any sexual
energy (i.e., chemistry)
with nice guys, and with
good reason. Nature has
hardwired the
female brain to seek out
the most powerful male
to mate with in
order to produce the
strongest offspring with
the best chance to
survive. It's the same
reason why men have been
hardwired to
chase after women who
display physical signs
of youthfulness
(because youthfulness =
reproductive success, or
viewed the
other way around... old
ladies = reproductive
failure... i.e., no
eggs left in the carton,
to put it bluntly).
While male and female
ACTIONS may be
completely different,
their GOALS remain the
same -- strong healthy
babies to carry forth
the species. This
is so because
"maleness" and
"femaleness"
are really just two
different but
complimentary STRATEGIES
for reproduction -- and
men and women are
compelled to behave
differently in order to
executed these
dissimilar strategies on
one another.
You see, Nature doesn't
care about hurting
people's feelings -- it
cares ONLY about
reproductive success in
order to keep those
precious DNA molecules
traveling forward in
Time. The dance
of mating &
seduction -- in all
creatures -- is linked
inseparably to
this biological
imperative. Go against
it and you're flying in
the
face of millions of
years of evolution (or
maybe its design, who
knows?). Learn to play
by it's rules... and you
will win!
* * *
Anyway, being the
correct sort of nice guy
to women really only
means being someone who
is A) safe, and B) a guy
that she
would NOT be embarrassed
to show off to her
family or close
(judgmental) friends.
Understand that there's
a lot of latitude in
there between a kiss-ass
wimp and a complete
psycho. Your
job is to find that
happy middle.
* * *
Alright, some practical
application of theory.
It's difficult to
describe exactly how to
go about handling the
issue of being a
nice guy, but here's my
best try...
You never want to ACT
like a nice guy around
women, but...
...you always want to
SEEM like one.
Can you get a sense of
what I'm trying to say
here? The
problem with being nice
is TRYING to be nice,
instead of just
LETTING it happen. You
can't come across as an
*obvious* a
nice guy -- you just
have to drop enough
hints around women so
that you SEEM like one.
Never, *EVER* broadcast
your nice guy
potential to women like
it's something that
you're proud of!
Yeeesh!
Here's a few examples of
what I mean:
1) When you first meet a
woman that you're
attracted to, you
must establish a
NON-verbal line of
communication in a way
that
provokes stirrings of
instinctual mating
thoughts in her
subconscious
"deep" brain.
In other words, you need
to
transmit your interest
in her in a man-woman
sexual-potential
way *without* actually
speaking any words to
that effect! Nice
trick, eh? Actually it's
easy... two ways in
which you can do this
are with extended eye
contact and brief,
non-offensive touches.
Both casual, but
unmistakable in their
true meaning to her.
2) Drop HINTS about
you're capacity to be a
nice guy, but don't
demonstrate it --
otherwise you will come
off like a complete
kiss-ass. Do this by A)
slipping in suggestions
of having strong
family-friends
relationships in your
life (a sign to women
that
you're "connected
& normal"), or
B) that you have
something
exciting going on in
your life -- either at
work, as a hobby, or
perhaps a recent
adventure of some kind.
Here's an example from
my own experiences. I
used to work for
a photography company.
Sounds exciting, eh? Not
really. The
amount of time I spent
with a camera in my hand
was less than
5% of the total time I
was there. I mostly did
boring lab work and
mechanical "McGuiver"
tricks to keep a lot of
old, over-used
equipment up and
running. But maybe a
half dozen to 20 times
a year, I got to fly
around in light planes
shooting aerial pictures
around the Western New
York area for various
commercial
clients.
So when I'm chatting up
a girl, sometimes I'll
work in a quick little
anecdote that's drawn
from one of my old
flying jobs. Like how
the snowpack collecting
on Lake Erie forms such
beautifully
colored cracks in the
greenish ice sheets
during the height of
mid-winter. But I make
nothing more of it, all
very nonchalant...
and I DON'T fully
explain how I came into
the position of flying
around the area and
making such an
observation in the first
place. Is it through
work? A hobby?... What
am I involved in
that would give me an
opportunity to view this
natural wonder?
Business travel? What?
She's at least a little
bit curious about me
now, but she's not
comfortable asking
questions since I've
just rolled over the
subject quickly and she
doesn't really know me
well enough yet.
Besides, (and this is
important to understand)
she LIKES not
knowing! Mystery!
Intrigue! I've suggested
to her in an off-hand
way that I'm a
productive guy (safe
& normal) who's into
SOMETHING that's kind of
fascinating and possibly
making me
good money -- but
without revealing too
much about what it is,
and especially NOT
explaining every last
detail in the droll,
somewhat braggartly way
that is the hallmark of
the boring-as-
hell nice guy.
You can drop hints about
family
("connections",
i.e. I'm not a
lonely, desperate
hermit) or whatever in a
similar manner to
show her that you're an
okay (nice?) guy without
piercing the
delicate bubble of
MYSTERY that must
envelope every
seduction.
Now you're "in like
Flynn" in terms of
getting your foot in the
door
to her heart (this is
only Step 1 remember).
Why? Because
she's made the
determination in her
*subconscious* mind
(where it really counts)
that you
"seem" like a
nice guy beneath
an otherwise dominant
male presentation of
yourself, and that
piques her interest
immensely.
You are a rare encounter
in the universe of men
that breaks
down into either sappy,
boring "nice
guys" or worthless
(but,
alas, exciting) pricks.
Your stock has gone up
at the moment it
matters most... that
make or break moment OF
FIRST
ENCOUNTER. No matter
what "flaws"
you might otherwise
imagine yourself to
have, you have become
interesting to her in a
way that AT LEAST she'll
never categorize as
friggin'
"nice".
NOW you have a shot!
And you can move on to
Seduction Steps 2, 3, 4,
etc. with the
confidence of a High
Status Male!
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