It's
Never About the Sex
by Michael Myerscough |
It’s never about the
sex.
In my work with
relationships, it became
very clear to me that
people’s feelings
about
the quality of their
sexual relationship is a
fantastic guide to the
quality of their
relationship. My work is
about opening up a
conversation that needs
to happen for
growth to occur. Whether
that’s between me and
my client or my client
and their
partner, it’s always
beneficial. I know that
a relationship isn’t
purely about the sex but
it does tend to be the
first thing to give way
when a couple starts to
struggle. The
mistake that most of us
make, myself included,
is then to get fixated
on the sex being
the issue. It rarely is,
in fact some people have
gone as far as to
suggest that it’s
never
about the sex.
In preparing for a
seminar, I was trying to
find a good way to
illustrate how great sex
is 95% behaviour and 5%
technique and I was
reminded of a piece of
research I came
across regarding first
impressions. One of the
things I coach people on
is dating skills
and a client recently
asked me “ How do I
make a good impression,
what do I say?”
Talk about barking up
the wrong tree. Do you
know that 64% of what
people
perceive about you is
how you look as you say
what you say, 30% is how
you say
what you say and only 6%
is what you say? Yet
many of us obsess about
what we
should say or worse,
what we did say. Relax,
no one is really
listening, they’re too
busy checking out your
shoes.
So back to sex…when
the relationship begins
to get stuck in a power
struggle (and
this is a natural
occurrence) the sex
begins to tail off and
we start looking for the
manuals about how to
make sex great again.
It’s pretty much a
total waste of time to
approach it this way and
generally leads to
greater resentment and
frustration. A better
approach is to suspend
judgment for a while and
ask yourself if it
isn’t about the sex
what’s really going
on?
Which brings me to my
tag line ‘There’s
more to sex than just
sex!’
|
| About
the Author |
| ©
Copyright 2002 by
Michael Myerscough
‘The Great Sex
Coach’. All Rights
Reserved. "By
Michael Myerscough,
professional speaker and
relationship success
coach. Michael has lots
of great tips, tools and
articles on his website
that you can use to
become a success! Visit
him at
www.thegreatsexcoach.com
and sign up for his free
newsletter.
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