| When
Men Are "Emotional
Camels" |
Many women find it hard
to understand how the
men in their lives can
be satisfied with life
as it is. Don't they
need more passion? Don't
they need more fun?
Don't they need to have
more of a connection
with their family, their
wife, or their
community?
Regardless of the area
of concern, the truth is
that many men are what I
call "emotional
camels." Just like
a camel can go forever
without water in the
heat of the desert, so
can many men go without
the intimacy, feelings
of fulfillment, or the
excitement life can
offer. Men from all
walks of life tend to
strive to have a sort of
emotional harmony or
peace, or what some may
call "an emotional
flat-line."
It's not that men don't
like feelings, it's that
they are willing to
sacrifice the highs and
lows for the steady,
even-keeled experience
of life. This is a good
thing to them. Most men
hate being depressed, or
sad, or angry. They want
these feelings to go
away as quickly as
possible, so they can
return to their
"flat line"
state.
While some women also
have this same tendency,
the majority actually
seem to enjoy the wide
range of emotions and
seem reluctant to get
over anything too soon.
This can drive a man
bonkers, especially
since he has to deal
with her when she's not
happy. He usually wants
to help her get out of
these
"negative"
states so she no longer
is a "problem"
to him. Her down times
affect him, which
threaten to destabilize
his current flat line
state.
While men can live
without intimacy for
quite a while, they
usually can't live
without sex of some
form, even if it's just
with themselves. But
masturbation can be just
enough to keep him
satisfied for the most
part for quite a while,
yet for women, even
those who enjoy sex with
themselves regularly,
this is not enough for
very long. They need the
connection with another
person, the shared
intimacy that gives the
sex meaning.
Often guys almost prefer
the simplicity of
masturbation because its
quick, easy, and
uncomplicated. They
don't need the
"heart" thing
as much and as often,
just the orgasms. Being
an emotional camel also
translates into men not
needing much ego
stroking from their
partner. That is why men
usually give so little
of this medicine to the
woman in their life.
They figure "If I
don't need it, why
should she?"
Knowing they "have
to" give at least a
little, they do, but
only what they think is
reasonable.
The same is true for
romance. Most men are
relatively
"unmoved" by
romantic gestures. It's
just not that exciting
or important to them.
So, they know they
should put in more
effort to be romantic
because it's something
their woman wants, but
that's usually the only
reason. (Unless you are
in the initial bliss
stages of a relationship
- then they'll do just
about anything,
naturally.) Otherwise,
it's more of an issue of
guys giving slightly
more than they need,
which isn't much at all
for most men.
So, does this all this
mean that men are dead
emotionally? Not at all!
As a matter fact, men
are much more emotional
than most would believe.
But it's different than
it is for women. Men get
emotional over different
things, like sports and
driving. They do not
lack emotion. It's just
that they require very
little "emotional
fulfillment" in
their day to day lives,
and can go for days,
weeks, and some even
years without a whole
lot of the intimacy, the
romance, the connection
with others, the high
highs and low lows.
These men aren't broken,
that's just the way they
are.
How does knowing and
accepting this help
women? First, it changes
what things mean such as
his lack of enthusiasm
for things she cares
about, i.e. romance,
intimate sex, time with
her, etc. etc. It's not
that he's bored with
her, it's that he is
boring. His flatline
state is intact and yet
she feels something is
missing. Something is,
but only for her really.
Her challenge is to
learn how to be happy
without expecting him to
act, think, and feel
like she wants him to.
She may learn how to get
him to make some
adjustments, but his
whole personality will
not change overnight.
Her continued efforts,
realistic expectations,
and patience will make
it more possible to get
him out of his trance
once in a while to join
her the land of the
living.
|
| About
the Author |
| Canada's
Premier Online Dating
Destination, for
Canadians by Canadians!
LifeMatesOnline is a
secure dating experience
for active singles
seeking friendship, love
or romance. Join today
and meet that special
someone that's just
right for you! Instant
Message, send
Icebreakers. Your FREE
membership to Canada's
Premier Online Dating
Destination is only a
click away. http://www.lifematesonline.com
dating
services | online
dating
| adult
personals
|
|
|
