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Worst
Dating Mistakes, Part 1
Often
the best way to learn
something is from other's
mistakes -- especially others
who may now be living a life
you want. And that means that
if you're single, there's a
lot to be learned from those
who are in a loving
relationship, particularly
when it comes to dating.
Today
you'll learn the most common
mistakes singles make while
dating. These have been shared
with me by those clients who
have been on the front line of
dating and are now in healthy,
loving, long-term
relationships. There are some
mistakes that may seem obvious
when you look back, but can be
completely invisible when you
are in the thick of things.
- Hiding
who you are to fit into a
relationship
Hiding who you are takes a
ton of energy. You can
only suppress your
emotions, reactions, and
needs for so long.
Eventually -- and sooner
rather than later -- the
real you will start
showing up and shocking
the person you are with.
Once
you are in a healthy
loving relationship, you
will realize you started
to attract your right
partner precisely when you
decided you were good
enough to never hide
again.
- Confusing
the trappings of love for
real love
The trappings of love can
be disguised as frequent
phone calls from your
date, his or her desire to
see you and be with you,
the arrival of flowers,
cards, compliments, poems,
and over-the-top
attention. All of these
can be mistaken for love.
They may make you feel
loved and wanted, as if
you had found the right
mate.
Once
you are in a healthy
loving relationship, you
will realize that these
trappings did not
necessarily mean the
person was in love with
you. These are simply a
few ways people express
like, desire, attraction,
and yes, love. These are
also ways people behave
out of habit, to be nice,
to be liked, because they
think they should, because
they get caught up in the
moment. Real love shows
itself in more powerful
ways, such as friendship,
support, acceptance, and
communication, and uses
the trappings of love as
the icing on the cake.
- Blaming
relationship mishaps on
the other person
Let's say the relationship
goes south. There is a bad
argument or even a
breakup, and all you can
see is how the other
person caused the problem.
Sound familiar?
Once
you are in a healthy,
loving relationship, you
will realize your role is
at least 50 percent of
everything that happens in
the relationship. You play
this role either actively,
by choices you make, or
passively, by choices you
fail to make.
- Not
allowing time to heal
between relationships
Ok, so you are out of a
relationship. You hate
being alone. You are hurt.
You hate not having
someone to share your life
with. You find a new
person and get into a
relationship. But are you
available to love a new
person? Are you ready for
a new relationship?
Once
you are in a healthy
loving relationship, you
will realize love deserves
grieving and you deserve
time to learn from a
failed relationship. You
will realize being alone
is not a punishment, nor
is it torture. It is a
gift of getting to know
yourself. And you will
realize your ability to be
alone is what gives you
the strength to create a
loving relationship.
- Attraction
means you are meant to be
together
You feel attracted, drawn
to someone, and he or she
to you. The relationship
is obviously meant to be,
especially if there are
many commonalities between
the two of you. This is
even more so if you were
brought together in an
unusual, fateful sort of
way.
Once
you are in a healthy
loving relationship, you
will realize these
encounters were meant to
be all right, but not
necessarily in a way you
thought. Most times, such
encounters bring lessons,
not loving relationships.
True love more often than
not reveals the fateful
aspect later in the
relationship, when you no
longer need the evidence
that you are meant to be
together.
"(c) Rinatta Paries,
1998-2002. Do you know how to
attract your ideal mate? Do
you know how to build a
fulfilling relationship, or
how to reinvent yours to meet
your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you
the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term,
healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com where
you'll find quizzes, classes,
advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love
magnet(tm)!"
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