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Why
Online Dating Is Better Than
Dating In The Real World
by
Marc de Jong
More
and more people find their
love online. No wonder, says
Marc de Jong. He thinks that
online dating is even better
than dating in the real world.
Let
me tell you a story. For years
I went to bars, festivals and
other meetings, and it wasn't
always for the beer or the
music. To be honest, many
times I was mainly looking for
a girl friend, for a woman to
spend the rest of my life
with.
I
had my share of dates, don't
worry: Frankenstein was not my
father, some ladies even
consider me handsome. But in
the end I was still living on
my own, and slept in a bed
that was always too big.
Life
changed when I bought a modem
and went on the Internet.
Initially my connection wasn't
meant for a ride on the
electronic highway to love -
remember: I am a music fan -
but it lasted only a few days
before I first visited a
dating site.
Within
seconds, thousands of women
entered my cramped living
room, and after a little
surfin' around I wrote a girl
that called herself Pearlemma.
I hope it was not her real
name.
Only
24 hours later Pearlemma wrote
me back. We exchanged up to
six letters. Then it became
clear she was only interested
in having a chat once in a
while. I knew the type - from
bars, festivals and other
meetings.
My
next stop was FriendFinder,
one of the oldest and best
known dating sites. I found a
lady with whom I shared some
hobbies and interests, but I
soon had enough when she sent
me her picture.
Online
dating finally became serious
when I put my ad on a site
called Soulmates or something
like that. I got a few
replies, wrote back, got more
replies, wrote back again,
made a selection, wrote more,
met her. Love, romance, you
got it, and I got it.
And
then we split up. These things
happen, not only in the
virtual world. But at least I
knew, online dating could
work.
So
when I had come to terms with
the emotional damage, I put
another ad, and this time it
was really bingo time. Over
one hundred replies. And you
know what? I'm happily married
now, for over eighteen months,
with a lady who used to live
on the other side of the
world.
Why
am I telling you all this?
Because I truly believe online
dating works. And even better
than real world dating.
First
of all, there's choice.
Second, there's comfort. On
the net, you can meet
thousands of potential
partners and still stay at
home.
Your
choice is incredible: as long
as you speak a few words of
English, you can communicate
with almost the whole world.
And even when you only speak
your native tongue (if not
English) then you can still
reach more people than you
will ever be able to meet in a
bar.
You
can write at daytime, at your
work, during one of these dull
and lonely evenings, in the
middle of the night when the
bed's too big again. Doesn't
matter: you can choose time
and place yourself.
Maybe
you only want someone who
lives just around the corner,
but let me tell you this: the
international aspect of online
dating adds some extra flavour,
which you will never regret to
try.
Other
countries means other
cultures, and other cultures
are not scary, no, they enrich
your life. They broaden your
view, tell you what's strange
about your own culture, and
show you things you had never
dreamt of.
Besides,
it's very exciting to go on
holiday knowing you'll meet
this mysterious man or woman
for the first time. And if
love is true and the country
nice, you have a great holiday
destination for the future as
well.
Online
dating is also honest. O.K.,
there are people who place an
ad without taking it
seriously, and some might even
try to scam you, but that's
not different from the real
world. If you take the right
precautions and use your
brains, you will only meet men
or women who don't hide their
intentions.
On
the net you do not have to say
'Can I buy you drink', then
wait for hours, weeks,
sometimes months - or even
years - to find out that your
'partner' liked the drink more
than you or already had
someone else.
No,
on the net the world is simple
and clear. By just putting an
ad, people say: 'I want love'.
Now, that's an opening
sentence!
When
starting points are so
obvious, it's also much easier
to speak about issues that
really matter.
What
do you expect from life? What
kind of relationship would you
prefer? Do you want children?
Just a few questions you will
never ask a boy or girl in a
crowded bar or noisy
discotheque, while being
watched by your and his or her
friends.
But
when you write an email you
CAN ask it, and you don't have
to wait for the right moment.
If
you don't limit your
correspondence to superficial
talk, but achieve real indepth
communication, you save a lot
of time. So invest in your
writing skills and be honest,
and your relationship will
benefit from it for years.
The
great thing about email is
it's inbuilt paradox. It can
be very personal and intimate,
but still it's anonymous,
because you use a 'third
party', e.g. your computer, to
express your thoughts and
feelings.
With
no direct listener you can
come to the point. And the
great thing is: most people
are easily touched by a
personal letter. A letter also
gives them time to react,
while a live conversation
requires immediate answer,
which can be an obstacle when
you are overwhelmed by
emotion.
There
are people who regard online
dating as unnatural.
Well,
then tell me what IS natural?
There was a time when bars and
disco's were just as new as
the Internet. There are
countries where bars and
disco's do not exist, even in
the 21st century. And what is
natural about joining a
singles club and go out
bowling with people who are
only rating each other's
looks?
I
may be romantic, but I think
the man or woman of your
dreams might well be living
somewhere else, on a place
where you haven't looked yet.
It can be your neighbouring
city, or an almost deserted
island in the Pacific. But
thanks to your computer you
can find him. Or find her. Go
for it.
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