How
to kiss
Title:
PLAYING THE INTERNET DATING
GAME - FAQs
Author: Erika Lawal
Article:
Just some of the questions
that come my way every day
from
surfers thinking about using
dating sites.....
- DO DATING SITES WORK?
The short answer is
"yes". The long
answer is that you need to
be smart in your approach to
using dating sites. You have
to be
selective in just the same way
you would offline. If your
chances of finding a down home
spouse in a lap dancing club
are
slim, they'll also be pretty
slight if you go looking for
your
true love on a site with a
strong "adult"
flavor. Tailor your
search to what you want…and
most of all, be patient -
there are
thousands of people online,
but it may take a little time
to
find the one who's just for
you!
- ARE THE ADS AND PROFILES
GENUINE?
Visit the average site on the
internet. Even the smallest
will
have tens of profiles, the
most successful like
Friendfinder or
Udate have several hundreds of
thousands. Site owners don't
need
to invent profiles, there are
people just queuing up to meet
others, so it's very easy for
owners to build a client
database.
While the individuals may
exist, what they actually
write is
beyond the control of dating
sites. Sites like Kiss, Udate
and
Match.com are very hot on
prohibiting the use of
profanity or
offensive language in ads, but
they can't check on the
veracity
of what people say about
themselves. That's down to you
(see our
upcoming article in
"Dating Tips" on the
site).
- WHAT SHOULD I JOIN - A
DATING AGENCY OR A DATING
SITE?
Offline dating agencies have
the edge over online dating
sites
in several areas;
- They usually attract a local
clientele;
- They may undertake to
"match" you with
suitable dates based on
their knowledge of the
individuals;
- They may organise social
events which you can attend
without
the pressure of a formal date
with a stranger;
- They may undertake a degree
of checking of personal
credentials to ensure people
are who they say they are.
Online dating sites steal the
light from offline agencies in
the
following areas;
- They are usually far cheaper
to join - the most expensive
agencies can cost several
thousand dollars.
- They usually win hands down
when it comes to membership
numbers and therefore choice -
the biggest sites often have
membership lists which are in
the hundreds of thousands.
- The best sites appeal to our
desire for immediacy and
encourage high participation
because they are such fun - it
might take a couple of weeks
to arrange a date via a
traditional
dating agency - you can be
chatting to someone you're
interested
in within five minutes on a
site with chat facilities.
- If you're reticient about
"exposing" yourself
in a phone call
or meeting, you can hide
behind the relative anonymity
of chat
or e-mail.
ALL THE SITES ASK MEMBERS TO
WRITE A PROFILE. DO I REALLY
NEED
TO BOTHER WITH THIS?
- Our answer would be yes, yes
and YES! Time and time again,
the
reports we receive from users
of dating sites suggest that
it's
the profile that separates the
wheat from the chaff. In other
words, users look to your
profile to find things that
set you
apart from the crowd.
Remember, there are probably
many
thousands of people with your
age, height, geographical and
other characteristics. You
need to give the reader
something
that will make the reader
think you're a cut above the
rest.
OK, OK, SO I NEED TO WRITE A
PROFILE! WHAT ON EARTH DO I
WRITE?
- That's up to you of course.
If you're stuck, take time out
and
go look at the other ads
written by people of the same
gender as
you. Find the ones you loathe
and love and consider why -
are
they inventive, funny,
searching or are they dull,
bland and
desperate? Decide on the image
you'd like to project and go
for
it. Tell your reader what
you're really like and what
you're
looking for in a partner. Be
truthful. Try to avoid using
abbreviations - not only do
they suggest you've been on
the
dating scene so long you've
acquired a new language, there
will
also be people who have no
idea what gsoh wlm swf means!
DO I NEED A PHOTO?
- We'd strongly advise you to.
Like a profile, it's what sets
you apart, and it's true what
the dating sites say - ads
with
photos attract 5-7 times more
responses than those without.
Let's face it; YOU prefer to
see you you're responding to,
don't
you?
Use a snap that looks like you
today - we've come across more
than one user who established
a correspondence with someone
whose phot attracted them,
only to discover they were 15
years
older and 50 pounds heavier
when they actually met! Even
if they
like you, people are often
annoyed by these seemingly
innocent
deceptions, and will terminate
a relationship…it's you that
gets
hurt in the end....
I'VE CONTACTED LOADS OF
PEOPLE, AND NO-ONE EVER
RESPONDS - WHY?
- Have you written
comprehensive profile? Got a
decent photo?
If you've answered yes to
these questions, you need to
consider
a number of other factors,
like your geographical
location, age,
and who you're seeking. If
you're a fifty year-old male
living
in a remote location seeking a
woman who lives nearby, you're
probably going to find it
rough. Broaden your horizons a
little.
Write a compelling initial
e-mail or instant message.
Remember
that the person you're sending
to may receive many such
messages
- yours needs to stand out.
Make it original - it's easy
to spot
a cut-and-paste job - no-one
wants to be spun a line. If
you're
looking to form a
relationship, try to avoid
messages which are
overly sexually overt in the
first instance - you may
offend. If
things take off, you can get
as suggestive as you like!
Sites mentioned; Udate
http://www.connectionzone.com/welcome.asp?R=6030
Kiss.com http://www.connectionzone.com/welcome.asp?R=5898
Friendfinder http://www.friendfinder.com/go/f31730
For more information and tips
about dating and dating sites,
including links to the top
sites, visit
http://www.theonlinedatingshop.com
For up-to-the-minute about
what's happening on the dating
scene,
subscribe to SHOPTALK, the
monthly newsletter of
TheOnlineDatingShop.com, and
receive a FREE individual
e-mail
relationship counselling
session by way of thanks!*
Subscribe by
visiting the site or sending a
blank e-mail to
subscribe@theonlinedatingshop.com
* Counselling offer valid
until 30th June 2002
Privacy statement: Your
details will never be sold,
lent, or
passed on to any third party.
About the author:
Erika Lawal runs
TheOnlineDatingShop.com and
describes it as
"like having a
know-it-all best friend to
hold your hand through
the dating minefield",
with reviews, dating site
links, tips and
individualised relationship
counselling. A straight
talking and
qualified psychotherapist, she
decided to take her skills
onto
the Internet after realizing
that singles need solid
information
more often than they need
therapy!
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