| Choose
a Life Mate, Don't Wait
for a Soul Mate
by Michelle L. Casto |
This article is adapted
from the book Get Smart!
About Modern Romantic
Relationships: Your
Personal Guide to
Finding Right and Real
Love
Have you ever wondered
why all the people who
are seeking their soul
mate end up disappointed
and let down? I have
found that it is
possible that there is
no such thing, at least
in the way most people
think about it. I have
also found that if you
want to find “heaven
on earth” with a
special someone, you
have to adjust your
expectations to a more
realistic, humanistic
level.
With all of the talk
about finding one’s
soul mate, you might
wonder why a more
appropriate term is
“Life Mates.”
Because, in my belief,
soul mates are all the
people we come into
contact with whom we
have unresolved
business. In truth, soul
mates could be family,
friends, or colleagues.
They do not have to be
your significant other.
Thanks to the media and
our human need for
companionship, the soul
mate myth has been
romanticized to
unrealistic proportions
and continues to keep us
longing for that one
“perfect person,” so
much so that we are
never satisfied with who
we are with.
Life Mates, on the other
hand, appreciate and
love each other on a
more humanistic level.
Life Mates recognize
each other’s spirits,
but interact as human
beings, realizing that
while in human form,
nothing or no one is
perfect. They know that
life on earth is about
learning lessons. Life
Mates learn, live, love,
and evolve together, yet
remain separate on their
individual spiritual
journey. Ultimately,
finding your true Life
Mate brings real love
into your life, awakens
your soul and makes it
easier for you to learn
the lessons you are
meant to learn.
Before I met my own Life
Mate four years ago, I
too believed that there
was only one perfect
person for me in this
entire world. For many
years, I searched high
and low trying to find
my other half only to
end up feeling
frustrated and lonelier
than ever. And then….
I met Philip—of course
when I wasn’t
looking---and we began
dating. I did not feel
an instant connection
with him, a bolt of
lightening did not
strike me, nor did any
other “sign” appear
before my eyes telling
me that he was the one.
Instead, we simply
enjoyed each other’s
company and started
spending more time
getting to know one
another. After about six
months, we woke up to
the realization that we
wanted to be an
exclusive couple. After
a year and a half, we
decided to move in
together, next we bought
a home, and finally
adopted two wonderful
dogs. My lovelife now is
rich and wonderful, but
it is because we chose
each other and became
committed to the
development of a real
relationship. Had I
continued to search for
a perfect person, I
would probably still be
alone!
As it turns out, real
love grows over time and
involves a conscious
choice. And here I was
for years and years,
believing that I would
see my soul mate across
a crowded room, fall
immediately in love, and
live happily ever after!
Perhaps you can relate
with my illusion?
Upon my own inner
reflection and by
talking to others while
I was writing Get Smart!
About Modern Romantic
Relationships, I
discovered that the
“soul mate” myth has
endured for so long
because we want to
believe there is someone
perfect for us—even
though we ourselves have
many warts and
imperfections. We want
to believe in
unconditional love and
acceptance. We also want
to believe in
“destiny.” We want
the hand of God to bring
our "twin" to
us. We want to feel
overwhelmingly drawn to
him or her like a moth
to a flame. We want to
feel instant recognition
when we first lay eyes
on that person. For many
folks, it is much easier
for them to believe that
their life is
pre-destined, and that
if they only wait long
enough, they will find
that perfect person.
Instead of choosing to
use what God gave
us—the ability to love
and the free will to
choose--- we leave our
romantic lives up to
“fate.” (Something
we would never do with
our career or other
important life needs, by
the way). And of course,
we learn about love
through the media, and
are lead to believe that
finding our soul mate is
easy. It happens all the
time in the movies,
right?
At a deeper level,
perhaps we want to
believe in soul mates
because we unconsciously
seek a re-connection to
our own God or Goddess.
Maybe we believe that
through a union with
another person, that in
addition to experiencing
physical ecstasy that we
will also experience
spiritual ecstasy?
If you stop to think
about how many times
“heaven” is
referenced in romantic
love songs—you may
begin to realize the
unconscious connection
we often make between
romantic love and
spirituality. With the
soul mate theory to
romantic love, you have
no conscious choice but
to be with that person.
In the real world, the
choice is yours. Be sure
to make it on a
conscious level.
What I have learned
while on my journey with
my Life Mate is that we
each have to develop a
relationship with God in
our own way and then
work (it is a true labor
of love) at our
relationship on a daily
basis. My romantic
relationship is full of
joy and love but also
with pain and work.
(That is human reality).
I now know that human
love takes conscious
effort, time and
thought. And that
choosing a Life Mate
over seeking a soul mate
makes for a much more
fulfilling and
attainable real-love
experience.
|
| About
the Author |
Michelle
L. Casto, M.Ed is a
whole life coach,
speaker, and author. Her
coaching practice is
Brightlight Coaching,
she helps people come up
with bright ideas for
their life and empowers
them to freely shine
their bright light to
the world. Visit
virtually: www.getsmartseries.com
www.brightlightcoach.com
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