|
Top
Ten Ways to Set Appropriate
Expectations for Dating
by: Jane
Johnson
1)
Give yourself time to get back
into the groove of dating
If
you haven’t dated in a while
it may require an investment
of time and effort on your
part if you are ultimately
looking for a soul-mate. As we
get older and learn from our
experiences our requirements
for an ideal mate may change
and some things that were must
haves may become negotiable.
Getting dating experience
helps with clarity around what
is and is not negotiable in a
mate. Detach from how long you
think it ought to take to find
your soul-mate.
2)
Develop a “catch and
release” program which
supports your quest for an
ideal mate.
Remember
if you’re dating someone you
really enjoy AND deep down
know they are not “the
one” – by keeping this
person in your life hoping
they will magically become
“the one” – it keeps
them and YOU from being open
for the real “one”.
Don’t be afraid to adopt a
catch and release program if
it’s not perfect, for you.
Just maybe your ideal mate is
waiting for you to become
available!
3)
Be irresistibly YOU!
At
the end of the day – when
people fall in love – it’s
because they feel they know
the “real you”. Why wait
until later to reveal who that
person is – start being YOU
in every moment. Others may
just find you irresistibly
attractive!
4)
Say…I’m curious…
The
best way to get to know
someone is to be curious about
life through their eyes. We
can never have the same
experiences because we view
life through our own filters
and our own conditioning. So
be curious – find out what
makes the other person light
up! What they are passionate
about!
5)
Who says dating can’t be
fun?!
Have
FUN!!! Adopt an expectation of
fun. When you are having fun
the best of you is coming out
to play. Isn’t that a great
way to enjoy yourself and time
with others? What a wonderful
gift to share with another
human being – you being your
best and most fun?! Your
future happiness depends on
it!
6)
Tell me more…
Ask
questions and be a good
listener. Get to know the real
person you are sitting across
from. Being drilled with
“interview” questions is
not a good relating technique!
Being interviewed on a date
creates a hostile environment
and puts the other person on
the defensive. Relax and
remember have fun and enjoy
hearing about life from
another perspective. Listen
for cues when the other person
speaks for a good next
question. Let the conversation
flow.
7)
Rescue ME!
Don’t
expect your date or your
soul-mate to rescue you from
your life. Entering into a
healthy relationship means
both parties come together as
whole human beings and
together you become even more
amazing. If you are needy you
may attract exactly what you
don’t want and repel what
you do want.
8)
It all makes sense!
Each
of us has our own unique life
purpose. Remembering that
gives, having judgment or
controlling others, quite a
different perspective. Having
others do things your way may
not always help them with
their own life lessons or you
with yours!
9)
Neeeeeext?!
Be
accepting of others. This does
not mean that every person is
a right match for you nor does
it mean inappropriate
behaviors are overlooked. It
means you have a choice of
whether to see this person
again or not. Listen to your
own intuition.
10)
What’s the big rush…this
is your life we’re talking
about!
Take
your time getting to know this
new person in your life.
Resist the urge to marry your
date, in your mind, on the
first (second, third…?)
date. Engaging your emotions
before you have enough
information will hinder your
ability to notice relationship
red flags.
|
About
The Author
This
piece was originally
submitted by Jane
Johnson, a certified
life coach who has
experienced the world
of internet dating.
After a nearly 20 year
hiatus from dating,
she immersed herself
in the activity. The
following are tips
from her observations,
interviews and
personal experiences.
You can reach her at
www.doingcoolstuff.com dating
services | online
dating |
|
